LEARN SPANISH...

Y NO ESCRIBO MAS NA' (o un dia en mi vida de estudiante)

Yo me levanto por la tarde,
me doy un baño y me peino,
me como un pésimo desayuno
y no escribo mas na', mas na'.

Después yo leo mis emails,
yo leo hasta los blogs,
o me pongo a ver Dr. Phil
y no escribo mas na', mas na'.

A la hora de las tres
yo me como un buen almuerzo
de pierogies con ranch dressing
y salchichas, y no escribo mas na'.

Después me voy a la oficina
a dormir frente a mi computadora;
y a veces duermo dos horas
y a veces mas, y no escribo mas na'.

Y me levanto como a las seis,
y me tomo un buen café,
en Tim Horton’s con una donut
y me pongo a conversar.

Bla bla, bla la la, bla la la bla bla

Y a la hora de la comida
me prepara una mujer
un Big Mac con papas fritas
con un sundae y mil cosas mas.
Me lo mango y no escribo mas na'.

Luego me voy a la oficina,
cual si fuera un gran escritor,
a darme la cabeza,
Contra el teclado.

Clak clak clak clak clak clak

¡Ay!, cuando se me pega el sueño
enseguidita me voy a acostar,
para “pensar” mas en mi tesis
y no escribo mas na', mas na'.

(Qué bueno es vivir así, comiendo y sin escribir)
¡Oigan!, yo nunca he escrito mucho
y no pierdan su tiempo, no voy a cambiar. ¡Qué va!
(Qué bueno es vivir así, comiendo y sin trabajar)
Señores, si yo estoy declarado en huelga, ¡si!,
¡mi gobierno que me mantenga! ¿Oíste?
(Qué bueno es vivir así, comiendo y sin trabajar)
Qué bueno, qué bueno, qué bueno,
qué bueno es vivir la vida,
¡comiendo, durmiendo y no escribiendo na'!

Oiga compay, ¿usted sabe lo que es sentarse frente a una computadora clic que te clic?
Esperando que lleguen los cupones del Federal Student Loans...
¡Así cualquiera!

(Qué bueno es vivir así, comiendo y sin escribir)
Recibiendo student loans por loca,
de loca yo no tengo na', ¡listo que soy!
(Qué bueno es vivir así, comiendo y sin escribir)
Qué bueno...
Traen un plato de pizza de emergencia,
queso, peperoni y pimientos verdes, para empezar.
(Qué bueno es vivir así, comiendo y sin escribir)
¿Quién escribiera? ¿Quién, yo?
Buscate a otro, yo ya escribí lo que iba a escribir.

_______________________________________________________


**Based on El Gran Combo's Y No Hago Mas Na'**

Ode to Maria Angela's Appendix

They say you are useless, Appendix.

But you supplement--all those words and thoughts that don't quite fit are magicallly categorized and neatly presented. How many charts have you saved? How many egos have you inflated? My thesis has an appendix.

They say you have no function.

But sometimes you burst--and all those things you should be doing you cannnot do and no one wonders why you don't. I am excused. They are excused. We are all excused for the duration. No mere lung or kidney could accomplish all this with the same air of nuissance.

They say you are a left over.

But left overs are delicious and you are too. When we have you, you fill us with information so luxurious, so oppulent it needs it's own apartment. When you're gone the empty space is filled by encouraging balloons and an enticing scar.

The story does not have to end here; read the appendix, it may burst at any moment.



__________________________________________________________
**Que te sientas mejorcita, maria!! (besos)

A Stink for All Seasons: One Tutor's Struggle with a Great Stink; Or, Choose Your Own Stink Adventure: The Stink Dragon Strikes Again

Close your eyes. No, wait, don't close your eyes...read the rest of this post but pretend that you've closed your eyes. Imagine you are a dedicated little English tutor, unless of course you already are one, in which case you can just imagine yourself.

DAY 1: You are about to enter the room in which you tutor. Turn the knob. Push the door open. Inhale normally. What do you smell? Chalk? Dust? A putrid animal carcass? No, it appears to be human. Look around the room. Tables and chairs. What else do you see? Oh, there it is--the other tutor. There at the back of the room sits a fellow tutor from whom the most unfortunate stench is emanating. You've noticed all this in a matter of barely measurable seconds. Now you are just inside the room. You smile, say hello, introduce yourself. This Tutor is a kind, simple soul. You chat until the first student enters seeking help. You tell yourself this is a one-time thing.

DAY 3: You tell yourself they must've left home in a hurry and forgot about deodorant.

DAY 5: You tell yourself the tutor must be having a bad week.

Day 8: You tell yourself that they didn't get their last pay check and their water was cut off--no showers.

Day 10: You tell yourself that it's part of the tutor's culture.

Day 13: You tell yourself the tutor is one of those macrobiotic types that doesn't believe in putting chemicals in (or on!) their body.

DAY 15: It was NOTa one time thing. Every time you've been in the same room with this person they have stunk. You have noticed a steady decline in the number of students that seek tutoring on the day that this Tutor is here. Opening the windows, despite the icy temperature, seems to be the only option.

Day 23: You begin to worry that students entering the room will think it's you. Your stomach churns with every whiff of the acrid, pungent odor...

Day 30: You spend your two-hour tutoring shift thinking of nonchalant ways to pinch your nose. The stinky tutor seems to enjoy reading with one hand behind his/her head--as if he/she were being arrested (for indecent pit exposure, no doubt)--to better disperse her scent throughout the room. You can no longer cope with this situation, you need help.

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS: Which Will You Choose?

* Tell the Tutor that they have a strong body odor and that you'd appreciate a shower and use of deodorant.

* Tell your boss that the Tutor has a body odor problem (which may be affecting student turnout) and let him/her deal with it.

* Lie: Tell the tutor you've noticed a strange smell in the room and can't figure out what it is. Maybe this will give the Tutor a hint.

* Lie: Tell your boss that you need to switch your shift to a different day.

* Lie: Create an anonymous e-mail address and, posing as a student, e-mail the tutor and tell him/her about their body odor problem.


WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Suggestions are more than welcome, they are sought!
__________________________________________________

** To protect the innocent, let me assure you that the tutor of which I speak is not in the English Department of the University of Saskatchewan and does NOT work at the University Writing Center.

*** By the by, I did do some research regarding body odor. While some explain that body odor is caused by bacteria, others explain that the foods we eat are to blame (these would, of course, place the greatest blame on red meats and encourage you to switch to vegetarianism to avoind le stink). And then, not surprisingly, there are those who would have us all smelling like a vinger-garlic pie served on a bed of lutefisk: the Body Odor Rights Activists of Berkeley California (Their Motto? "Fighting for your right to communicate naturally: Deodorant Is Barbarism!"). And so we've come full circle--right back to my thesis: culture vs. nature. Damn you Thesis! Leave me alone!


If you've read this far, give yourself a pat on the back: that's some stellar procrastinating!