Musings from My Walmart Safari
I went on safari today to the magical land of Walmart where I intended to buy shampoo and Halloween candy. I was strolling down the vitamin isle, mostly because it makes me feel bad about my health and feeling bad about my health is trendy. Anyway, there I was checking out a bottle of Omega-3 when an elderly man to my left Farted. He did not pass wind or gass...it was nothing so subtle. This man straight out farted. What could I do? My eyes widened and I held my breath as I tried to discreetly evacuate the contaminated isle.
So here is the question I have been pondering today: when does it become socially acceptable to Fart in public? When children do it we chuckle, when dogs do it we faint, when our friends do it we mock them for the rest of their lives. Do the elderly get a Free-Fart-Pass? Do they deserve it for having survived the Dirty Thirties? Is it that they cannot control it, or that they will not control it? And how should we respond: do we ignore it, which implies that we condone the behavior; do we exclaim in horror and/or surprise, which suggests that it is unacceptable; do we laugh, intimating that they, like children, just can't help it?
So here is the question I have been pondering today: when does it become socially acceptable to Fart in public? When children do it we chuckle, when dogs do it we faint, when our friends do it we mock them for the rest of their lives. Do the elderly get a Free-Fart-Pass? Do they deserve it for having survived the Dirty Thirties? Is it that they cannot control it, or that they will not control it? And how should we respond: do we ignore it, which implies that we condone the behavior; do we exclaim in horror and/or surprise, which suggests that it is unacceptable; do we laugh, intimating that they, like children, just can't help it?
posted by Daniela at
Thursday, October 06, 2005
5 Comments:
Today I got in the elevator in my apartment building, and the landlord was already in it. He's a nice enough guy with a funny Irish accent but he had clearly farted prior to my entrance in the elevator and his funny Irish accent wasn't going to get him out of this one. I didn't know what to do, but it stank so bad that I tried not to breathe and as a result, I think I sounded like I was being rude because I was merely answering his questions with mmm hmm's and uh huh's. The moral of the story is that you just shouldn't fart in an elevator. Even if you have a funny Irish accent.
By
Anonymous, at October 11, 2005
Twice! I’ve been Fartsulted at Wal-Mart... They were the most violating experiences of my life... The perpetrators had made no attempts to cover it up and showed no signs of embarrassment.
My guess is the brain is working soo hard to process all those ‘amazing Wal-Mart deals’ that it shuts off the self-awareness portion of the brain
They say: once a victim of Fartsult, you are 800X more likely to commit Fartsult.
Its My greatest fear!…
By
Anonymous, at October 11, 2005
Great, thanks Steve, I thought that little accident in Wal-Mart was our stinky little secret. You are right, I just couldn't process the wonder that comes with being able to buy condoms, houseplants, wonderbread, and DVD's in the same store.
And on old people farting in public: all you can do is move out of the blame radius, giggle, and then blog about the smelly bastards.
Oh and confined space farting is just cruel and unusal punishment (sounds like an old I.R.A. tactic)!
By
Anonymous, at October 11, 2005
Oh there had to be a group of his friends snickering behind the nearest clothesrack of power puff girl t's at that. I try to stay away from walmart because of things like this. If it's not flatulent old men it's housewive's in sweat pants. They're deadly with the carts.
By
Anonymous, at October 11, 2005
Oh, guys, yeah, so, ummm, it was me that farted on you at WalMart. So, umm, yeah, ummm, I'm, uh, sorry. Fucking Skipsey.
By
Anonymous, at October 11, 2005
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