A Eulogy for Patchy the Neon

Guest blogged by L.


Born in 1998 at a small Dodge/Plymouth plant in Illinois, Patchy the Neon began a short but memorable life that spanned wide swaths of the North American continent. While her early years in Texas are less well-known and documented, Patchy appeared to have enjoyed periods of moderate travel and regular maintenance at the hands of one or more anonymous owners. However, it was not until she met Daniela that Patchy came to realize the full potential of a loving and committed owner. Whether on the open roads of the Southern United States or in the congestion of Washington, D.C. commuter traffic, Daniela remained Patchy’s true companion and stalwart driver. Regardless of her peeling white façade, for which she earned her unique moniker, Patchy could do no wrong in Daniela’s eyes.

In 2003, Patchy and Daniela made the acquaintance of moderately car accident prone Lindell, with whom they would live out the remainder of Patchy’s years in reliable conveyance and friendship. Patchy often fondly recalled her D.C. years with Daniela and Lindell as an exciting time of first car make-outs on Ontario Road, amazing feats of parallel parking on Summit Place, and frequent jaunts to the suburbs and lush vistas of Virginia and Maryland.

Patchy and her companions left Washington behind for the frozen North in 2004, passing briefly by Patchy’s Illinois birthplace along the road to Saskatoon. With the addition of a block heater and new tires, Patchy braved three long and cold Canadian winters. Although winter would ultimately lead to her death at the hands of an uncaring SUV, Patchy never once complained of the cold, harsh prairie life. As the years rolled on and her paint rolled off, she remained a vital part of the lives she touched: a receptacle for the soft touch of Stephen’s spray-paint; a workhorse on numerous trips to Costco and Ikea Calgary, and an expert mover of wedding cake on a warm summer’s day.

Sadly, slick roads and a twisted metal frame mean she was taken from us all too soon. Yet her untimely death acts as a reminder to us all to cherish the precious moments we have with one another before the paint peels and fender wrinkles.

We will miss you, Patchy. May you rest in pieces.